Apparently, one of them self-hypnotists went into Peters Bra for non-invasive keyhole surgery, using hypnosis instead of anaesthetic.
Now, maybe I'm something of a complete arsewit here, but surely keyhole surgery is an job undertaking by a jobbing jobber, such as a locksmith, with the 'patient' being a jammed or broken lock. How can you have keyhole surgery on peoples?
Is it something them Surgeons do to Frequent Fogeys - install a lockable flap for easy access when they have another operation? Or is it called keyhole surgery coz the dozy doc tends to sew his keys up in yer belly?
And what's all this non-invasive bobbins - surgery has to be invasive - otherwise you can't get at the bits to lop, chop, tie and fry. Ah! It's one of them ways to save money! Don't do any expensive operations, and fob off anyone who queries it!
"Are you sure you gave me that brain transplant, for I can't see any scarring to prove it"
"Ah, mate, that's coz it was non-invasive! And because we don't invade your body, we can replace your brain without marking your perfect body"
"Duhr.. Oh yeah! This brain transplant worked. I'm a gormster no more!"
I don't think that woman had hypnotised herself at all. More likely the ward sister asked the woman if she was in for hip replacement, and she started to say "Hip? No sis..." and before she got any further a fat goateed bloke was there, asking her to look around they eyes, not into the eyes, but around the eyes, and before she knew it the hypochondriac hippie was hypnotically rhohypnolled and her hypersenstitive hip injected with hypodermic hyperbole.
An' suchlike...
