Now, much has been made of the Allocated Zones of Londinium, but I have a sneaking suspicion that these ethereal realms also cater for a significant amount of The Tube!
Aside from the fact that you get from A->B in scant few minutes (which, when you think about it, it's quite disturbing. Either you're breaking the speed of light, or you're passing through Unknown Dimensions via Space Time Mörbius portals), it's the meandering through the myriad of tiled tunnels.
Seems it's literally the trans-perambulation of pseudo-cosmic anti-matter!
I reckon that they built the Tube out of old sci-fi sets, where you see them actors running down the same corridor again and again (apart from shfting a plant pot about to give the impression of a Different Corridor). They have done the same thing with time & space to commuters!
You trek down a corridor, turn around, and ZAP! You're back at the start of that self-same corridor, get to the end, follow the bend, and ZAP! Back again!
Eventually, the stationmaster gets fed up of the teasing, and lets you out into an Exit Corridor... at the same time as he lets everyone else in! You come out the corridor with about 5 people, and as you approach the escalator, out of nowhere come packs of gormsters with enormous packs upon their backs, double buggys and a drag along ankle biting granny trolly. Between Mum and Dad are 2 kids... all 4 holding hands so no-one can get past, and they can't walk more than 1 step per 2 seconds as they cajole their offspring along before parking their pram across the entrance to the escalator to give the child a scolding for playing up, and tut-tutting at all the people who want to get out of the hot, sweaty fug of the underground when they can see a glimpse of blue and sky at the top of the stairs!
And Oh, how The Tube staff like to play with their victims. You get to the top, and can see the sweet, fresh air beckoning just ahead... but the staff see the oncoming throng, and switch 90% of the electronic turnstyles to a big fat red 'X', so everyone has to hunt round for the green exit arrows... which are promptly blocked by some gormster whose Oyster card hasn't been topped up, and keeps flitting it over the scanner in the vain hope that some money may miraculously credit his card, or the angry mob held up set about him with stout sticks. Or the fat controller eventually waddles over to let them through.
Talking of the evil games of Tube Staff. Camden Market. Sundays. You get the Northern line up to Camden - piece of piss. Come back to the station... the jeering staff laugh at you all laden with heavy bags of purchases, and advise that to avoid congestion you need to bugger off to Mornington Crescent or all the way back to Chalk Farm - both a goodly 10 minutes away through streets thick with people stood in the middle of the street guzzling pizza or gawping at shop frontages. Or gothchicks frontages.
Or something.
Avoid congestion by closing 1 out of three stations? Surely there would be less congestion if all three were open! Besides, the Camden Market station is at the bottom end by the Electric Ballroom - if you're at Camden Market itself, then you're already at Chalk Farm anyways, so you should be getting on that Tube, not battling through sulky emo boys in guyliner all the way back to the other tube!
Guyliner, indeed! I thought they were taking about imitating 1980s secret agents and building preposterous mechanizations utlizing household objects to perform some ludicrous task in their darkened tomb of a bedroom.
But it's not. Nor is it The Guyver, that meshing of cyberpunk manga anime that them emos are so very fond of!
It's eyeliner, for fecks sake!. Guyliner, my best hat! Sounds a tad like Gayliner to me, like some homosexual cruising episode of The Love Boat! Although, according to these so-called 'on-the-edge' emos, they're all Bi anyways, coz, they're, like, individual and different and don't conform to stereotypes...
...apart from being a moody git in red/white & black, a nightmare before Xmas bag, and more necklaces, rings, pentagrams, ankhs and guyliner than you can shake a HiM CD at.
An' suchlike!
