There are Jews in the world,
There are Bhuddists
There are Hindus and Mormons and then
There are those that will follow Mohammed
But
I've never been one of them...
But once again The Christian God Squad are up in arms and foisting their lunacy upon The Kids.
Seems that they're quite smug about the Big Bang Experiment being a Big Damp Squib (despite the fact that the BBE hasn't even started yet, so won't they be surprised when a betentacled beastie hoiks em out of this universe to a grisly death!), and therefore the Bible was right all along.
As such, they now want Creationism pulled out of the RE brainwashing lessons, and placed firmly where it belongs. In Science class.
For those unfamilliar with the concept of Creationism, it goes like this: The Bible is 100% accurate in it's depiction of physics, and the Universe was created in 7 days by the the greyest of all Greybeards, God.
As regards dinosaurs - well, they never existed. There were just gigantic bones created by God for his metaphysical canine companion to bury.
Now, I'm not one to point out any inaccuracies with scientific theorems of a theosophical basis, but if they're gonna teach this mystical mymbo-jumbo in schools, they should at the least get their facts straight, for according to the ever factual and historically accurate scientific tome, The Bible, God did not create the universe in 7 'days' at all. And there were dinosaurs as well.
In the beginning
According to the Genesis (the proper one with Angel Gabriel in it, not Angel Collins, although Andrew Collins writes about Angels. As does Robin Williams' songwriter), there's no earth. it's dark, and there's a load of water sloshing about. And if there's water, then God's already been creating stuff before 'Day 1'. These waters were probably contained in a bath where he was having a bit of a soak, and suddenly had a eureka moment to create heaven and a planet.
Day 1
God created light, and decides that Light is day, Dark is night, and that evening and morning will constitute one day. Well, at least this proves God was a builder, for he clearly has no intention of doing any work in the afternoon!
Day 2
The selfish arse builds himself a paradise. Well, guess he needed somewhere for his opulent bathing, despite the fact he could have created the Earth first and lounged about in a Golgafrinchan B-Ark with telephone sanitizers, hairdressers and the like.
Day 3
So, in the same time it took to invent lightbulbs, or create a white marbled palace strewn with clouds, harps and flaming swords, God manages not only to create a whole planet, but every sort of plant, vegetable, fruit and seed! Not only that - he got them all to grow as well. He really must've been slacking on the first couple of days!
Day 4
God creates the Sun, Moon and starts to introduce Day and Night... Hold on - didn't he do this on 'Day' 1? Typical builder - double charging for the same work!
Actually, on 'day' 1, he invented the concept, not it's application. Which means that day 4 is really day 1, and days 1-3 were not actually days at all, but indeterminate periods of time!
Day 2 or 5
(depending if you're using God's obscure definition of a 'day' or a newly created Earth day of 24 hours... well, an earth 'day' of about 5 hours, as God defines a day of evening and morning, probably 6pm to 8pm then 7am to 10am)
God invents the beasts of the Sea - note this passage carefully: It clearly states (at 1.21) "God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves" - so, before the Dawn Of Man* dinosaurs did exist! The bible sez so!
Day 3/6
God invents beasties of the Earth - non-specific, but Beasts of the Earth in general - and if that doesn't include Jurassic Park, I don't know what does!
He then goes on to create men & women - Now, there are those who will blah on about Eve being made from a rib of Adam later on, but it's quite clear in Genesis 1.27 that God creates Male and Female humans on this day, and tells them to start nobbing each other and rule the planet.
Day 4/7
Clearly, the man & woman created the previous day were Robert Llewellyn and Lisa Rogers, for God was clearly into 'tinker time', for Genesis 2.2 states that he didn't just rest on the 7th day - he actually finished the work beforehand. Which means all those lazy Christians who want to 'keep Sunday special' should advocate opening shops all day long before resting in the evening.
Let there be light indeed...
....she blinded me with fish based Open Univerity professors...
* DAWN BEING ANOTHER PERIOD OF TIME MISSED BY GOD. ALONG WITH BREAKFAST, ELEVENSIES, DINNERTIME, TEATIME, DUSK, TWILIGHT, SUPPERTIME, ETC)
