Now, there's nowt different about me, nor what I carry around in me manbag, but for some strange reason, every shop I entered and left set ther alarums a-ringing.
So I popped into HMV in the hope that one of the HMV hotties would take me into the back room and search me, and having found no thievery, subject me to a strip search resulting in the nobification of said suspicious lovely lady.
No such luck - so I amusingly updated my BaseFuck status to announce that it were probably due to Alien Implants...
...not so funny now! For as soon as I posted it, I left HMV with no alarms! No other store pealed their bells in my presence for the remainder of the day!
Clearly, having been rumbled, the Space Monsters de-activated their tracker bar! Proof indeed that They Wank Amongst Us!
I'm a tad concerned that these interplanetary denizens can stick some USB memory stick up me bum, and yet I have no knowledge of it!
It's now widely recognised that that is how the Dinosaurs died out. Space Travel may have been well developed on planet Omega III, but rectal probe machinery was still in it's infancy, and caused infections, plagues and pandemics.
Not many people are aware that the first dinosaurs were named after the Brontë Sisters. These three were notorious for getting up to the wuthering heights of orgasmic pleasure through bum sex, and, being of the time, were fairly plump of figure. So, when the first bones were discovered, with an MP3 player in the rectal area, it was named the Brontë-Sore-Arse.
There was a fourth sister, Dinah, and she was into really rough rectal rogering, and the abrasive chaffing turned the surrounding area all rough and scaly. The skin of the beasties were believed to be rough and scaly, and were therefore named Dinah's Sores due to the match in skin texture.
Unsurprisingly, this was all supressed by The Greybeards of the day, who quickly decided that 'sore arse' sounded like 'saw us'. However, they didn't like the idea that Charlotte Brontë saw them having bumsex, so they decided to spell it Saurus, and claimed it meant 'A bit Lizardy'.
Of course, this manipulation of history by The Greybeards is nothing new... in fact, back then, they weren't as old or long of beard, and were vain enough to douse themselves in Just For Men to give themselves luscious black flowing locks. At that time, they called themselves Men In Black.
Because they were always men, up to their plums in persons of ethnic origin, keeping the plantation workers in their place. Mainly because before they were grey, they were black, and before that white. Supremicists.
And once you've had black, you never look back. Which is bollocks, because you'd keep checking over your shoulder in case the hoodie blinged up gansta blood bops you over the head, looks you up and down a bit, turn to each other, then nick the present from your mother.
It's no surprise that Zoom-Zoom's chum don't like cricket...
