Forensics have come a long way. Once, it used to be misread as foreskin, and now it's the scourge of the Chav, with munter obsessed chavboys being presented with them all-important DNA results!
Of course, with instant identification though a sample of the wind you just passed, it was only a matter of time before some Parkie jobsworth has a brainwave.
Dogs befouling the paths and parks, leaving their eggs all over the place to be stepped in or slipped on because the chavvy scum ain't gonna pick up some doctor in the park, are they!
And so, The Bottom Inspectors have arisen from the pages of Viz like Martin Whorekit talking away when he don't know what to say (but says it anyway).
Yes, 'they' have decided there should be a DNA doggie database, so that when senior citizens stamp on shit, they take their shoe to the Constabulary, who will run the fecal forensics and match the DNA it to the offending canine!
And you thought Jeremy Vyle could sink no lower!
This week: I believe your dog shit in my paddling pool and is the father of our baby, and I don't trust her.
Coming up in part 2 - those all-important lie detector tests that are highly inaccurate which we claim is 90% accurate and that means they's NEVER wrong!).
- Have you stood in some dogshit?
- Perhaps a neighbor has thrown some at your windows?
- Or maybe they're letting their pets into your garden rather than foul their own?
- Do you suspect a ex of shitting on your lawn?
Maybe we can help.
DNA diagnosis on doggie doo-doo indeed! It's The War Against Terror* gone mad!!
* ISN'T IT ODD THAT THEY NEVER ABBRIEVIATE IT ON THE NEWS? IT'S ALWAYS THE LONG WINDED, DRAWN OUT VERSION. "COMING UP ON GMTV, FIONA PHILLIPS WILL BE TALKING ABOUT GEORGE BUSH AND THE WAR AGAINST TERROR WITH KATE GARRAWAY". WHAT'S WRONG WITH SIMPLY SAYING "FIONA PHILLIPS WILL BE TALKING ABOUT BUSH AND TWAT WITH KATE GARRAWAY"?
I CAN'T SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS...
