Invasion!
Of course, because the Ghost Slug is a threat to our very existence, it was only a matter of time before other aminals decided to take a shot at Taking Over The World.
Seems one of our Brave Lads returned from Afghanistan with a Giant Spider in his luggage, which promptly escaped and digested the dog.
Now, I'm not one for alarmist reporting, but Giant Spiders on the prown consuming out canines? Mans best friend munched down on by mandibles of massive size? Homeowners being caught in acidic flesh eating webs and stored in the larder for a evening treat whilst watching the final of Pig Botherer?
Not only are The Press reporting it as a Giant Spider, it's a Camel Spider as well! Double humpty arachnids that can store water and survive the scorching desert sands of Colchester and bite you to death as you lounge in the sun!!!
But what of the size of this beastie? This oh-so-terrifying cyclopean spider?
Grows up to 6in!!!!!
Clearly my teenage years of living on a diet of 1950s B-Movie mutoids the size of buildings seems to have somewhat colored my perception of 'Giant'. Exactly how The Press can put out a Pandemic warning of Giant Spiders slaughtering the canines of Colchester when said spider is a wee 6in!
For my money, when I'm warned of Giant Spider invasions, I want 8-Legged freaks and Tarantuals the size of my house to be rampaging the countryside. I expect to go to the Farmer's Sea and it be populated with big, bug eyed beasties that bowl you over.
I suppose it's all perspective. If I were shrunk to a measly 4mm in height, I may indeed be worried out 'Giant Spiders', but 6in Giants? No way!
Although, I did pass through Colchester one, and I did see a pair of big spindly legs, all hairy and spiny.
But it was some Chav in a mini-skirt.
And mini it certainly was, with a plethora of additional 'spiders legs' on view.
Some people really need to go to Brazil if they gonna wear THAT!
Camel spider? Camel toe more like...
