Although this "knife culture" slashathon that's sweeping Londinium is all the rage, I can't help but feel a lack of pity for the latest victim who got skewered for not giving up his Gucci man-bag.
Altogther now, in high pitched ladysqueak of Oscar the wild grouch speak:
"A MAN BAAAAAAG?!?!?!"
For heavens sake, it's a bag. Handbag, satchel, call it it what you will. Apart from a man-bag. That's just so beyond naff it just screams "knife me now"... translated to "poke me with your phallic symbol like the rabid queen I am". Ooooh get her, manbags at dawn.
And now, not satisfied with Guyliner, they've just brought out Manscara! Another excuse for a good slasheroo. A man scarer, one who inflicts scars upon blokes for wearing make up.
Manscara indeed. It's bloody mascara. "Butching" it up just makes it sound more effeminate than if you'd called it Rampant Homosexuals Tarting Up Juice.
Call it mascara and bloody well live with it.
Jesus. Wearing eyeliner doen't make you gay - wearing eyeliner and calling it guyliner - now that is gay. What next, some EMO boy too scared to whiten his face coz his mates might think he's a bit puffy? Oh, he'll have to wear Fellas Foundation or Loggers Lippy on the lips.
Although Fellas Foundation may hint at a school for rentboy pink oboeists, so maybe not!
Manscara! It beggars belief!!
Mark my words - False Guylashes are on the way! And if they are, I want royalties, coz I just came up with the idea!!!!
False guylashes my best hat!
Ranty ranty rantypants.
Talking of which - it's only a matter of time before these "real men" start purchasing little lacey frilly ladies scanty panties, because some bright spark will come up with the name "Manties" (oooh, I am that bright spark! Get me dragons' Den*!). Conan Camiknickers and... well, I would say thongs, but they already have them. Banana hammocks indeed - it's a tarts arseflosser to avoid VPL so everyone thinks she's gone commando and therefore a right old slaaaaaaaag who's "well up for it"....
Or something.
* HI, MY NAME'S XYMON, AND I'M LOOKING FOR £250,000 TO INVEST IN AN EXCITING AND INNOVATIVE NEW ARENA IN MENSWEAR. MEN OFTEN FIND IT EMBARASSING TO GO INTO A DEPARTMENT STORE AND BUY THEIR LADIES VARIOUS LACY FRILLY UNDERGARMENTS. WELL, WHAT BETTER WAY TO GET MEN TO OVERCOME THAT EMBARASSMENT THAT TO HAVE THEIR OWN RANGE OF PANTIES. "MANTIES" GIVE THE EMO THAT CONFIDENCE TO WEAR WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY A PAIR OF WOMENS KNICKERS, BUT IN THE FULL KNOWLEGE THAT THESE ARE GRUNDIES FOR A MAN. MANTIES - PUTTING THE MAN BACK INTO PANTIES. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND HAVE OVER THE LOOT YOU TIGHTFISTED AVARICIOUS FUCKWITS. ESPECIALLY YOU, YOU OLD TART, YOU NEVER INVEST. KNACKERS IN KNICKERS CAN'T BREATHE, SO LET THEM CASCADE OUTSIDE THE SPLIT-CROTCH MANTIES IN THE COOL BREEZE...
