There was that Bone Idol, what slaughtered The Doorses "Light My Fire". Stuff that naffness - where's Chaka Demus singing "Light My Pliers"? After all, it would make a great song!
For in the DIY modern B&Q world, what could be more fitting that a ballad about having to use your tool in the dark (fnarr fnarr!). In fact, there are too few Home Improvement utensil songs about. Where's "The Braddle" by Nick Kershaw, about an old bloke in an arran sweater poking holes in his belt? Or Neneh Cherry and Yousson N'Dour's* "Sven's Secateurs Away", a saga like Eminem's Stan, but where the footbal coach goes on a Boys Toys rampage in Homebase, clipping back various appendages of the ever helpful and knowledgeable staff (He's on the rampage, put Sven's secateurs away, just as long as he slays, I'll be waiting {in the toilet until it's over}).
I guess Chakka Khan't!
You know that it would be untrue
You know that I'm no DIYer
If I'm in a darkened room
And I cannot see the wires
Come on baby, light my pliers
Come on baby, light my pliers
So that I can strip the wire
Try to shine the torch on t'pliers!
On so on...And so forth...
* YOUSSON N'DOUR MY BEST HAT! SOUNDS MORE LIKE SOMETHING THAT JAR JAR STINKS WOULD SAY!
"MEESA GETTIN A VERY SCARED. YOUSSON THINKIN WEESA GONNA DIE?"
