Apparently, in these woods every bear that ever there was should have been gathered there together, because today is allegedly the day that them there teddy bears have their picnic.
So it was certainly a big surprise to find no sign of any stuffed Steiff's scoffing salmon sandwiches and drinking dandelion & burdock cordial! (Cordial indeed - just sits there in a glass. No sense of manners or etiquette at all!)
Anyhoo, how can a picnic have 'every bear that ever there was' attending? Surely some have been destroyed over the millenia. Unless we're talking about the inclusion of Reanimated teddies, running amok and tearing the stuffing out of lesser teddies.
Be more like a Picnic Of The Living Dead Ted!
Which also begs the question, how are the existing teddies getting to the picnic... unless they're made of stuffing & fur over a metal endoskeleton, and end up massacring all the little John Connor teddies like The Toyminator!
Hold on a minute... maybe this explains the 'reanimated' teddies! Destroyed teddies simply reassemble themselves a-la that liquid metal terminator! That red glint on a button eye - not light relection at all, but a sophisticated scanning and targeting mechanism! How cool would that be, if Sarah Connor shot an impacable teddy*, then all the stuffing began to roll back across the floor into it's belly, before rising and waving a patterned paw in imitation of a waggling finger (having no opposable digits).
Anyhoo, that's all beside the point, for these bears are having a picnic! But teddies don't have mouths - just a line of sewn thread, so it's basically Guantanamo Bay style abuse - the presence & scent of lovely, lovely grub, but unable to eat any!
Even worse, is that fact that if you do go down to the woods, you have to go in disguise, just in case they think you're a paedo, because there's a line about catching them in their underwear**.
And you don't want to be caught at 6pm ogling picnicking teddies in their underwear as they're being put to bed, due to being tired from 'gayly gadding'. Which I can only assume is some Bronski Bear equivalent of Small Town Bear:
You leave for the picnic with everything you need
In a little lunchbox
Alone on a platform, the wind and the rain
On his sad, and threadbare fur...
Ah! At least this explains Mr Brown's 'Special Relationship' with the Rent-Bear he picked up in the Paddington Station public pisspots... and didn't we recently cover using marmalade as a lubicant for entry into Darkest Peru (where the sun don't shine)??
Teddy Bears Picnic?
Bare Teddies Gay Pride rampant sex orgy more like!
* OR EVEN BETTER, SARAH CONNOR IN A TEDDY. ONE OF THEM LEOTURD TYPE AFFAIRS. FIGHTING ONE OF THEM FEMALE TERMINATORS, ALSO IN A TEDDY. TERMINATORS IN TEDDIES - NOW, THAT WOULD BE A MOVIE TO WATCH. PREFERABLY WITHOUT ARNIE IN A BORAT MANKINI THOUGH...
** A-HA! I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! 'TEDDIES' IN THE UNDERGARMENT SENSE! ALL BECOMES CLEAR - DEPRAVED BEARS IN SAUCY LINGERIE! MAYBE THEY MEANT TO SING ABOUT PVC INSTEAD OF PICNIC.
