Apparently, I’ve only had 4 days off sick in the past 10 years! Once for food poisoning, once for cough/cold/flu, and twice with Alimentary.
I don’t recall ever catching Alimentary, nor telling work I had it! After a quick google, it appears to be a canal, which means I must have been off with trouble with me waterworks.
Which is news to me!
But not, apparently to our manager Lottie, who swished by and said I was the top performing member in the team! Exactly how she got to see my member, let alone assess its performance is another mystery! I’m pretty sure I wasn’t that drunk yesterday - I certainly don’t recall servicing the Boss Lady over the photocopier!
Aha! The ladies won’t touch me with a 9ft barge pole! And barges go on canals! And if you’re barging through a canal, then your progress will be much slowed - good job I have the WaterWaist for boyancy - until I get bonked on the bonce by boozed up broads on The Broads with their argy-bargy on their barges.
Oh to be bonked by boozed up broads...
