This 81 year old bloke, clearly a tad obsessed with young River Tam, decided to build himself a robot...
...which promptly killed him!
It seems he downloaded plans for a suicide robot off the interweb. Surely there must be easier ways to top yourself than building your very own Terminator. Alcohol poisoning, hanging, sexual fetish gone wrong, moving to Wales, walk in front of a bus, etc.
But to go to all the effort of:
- Trawling through The Interwebz for murderous mechanical blueprints
- Downloading them and printing them off
- Going out to Radio Shack/Tandy and buying lots of Meccano
- Spending weeks assembling your masterwork
On the one hand, he’s build a machine to facilitate his own death, which could class as suicide. On the other, he didn’t actually kill himself, the machine killed him, so that means he was murdered by the titanium topper offer. But then, by feeding the instructions to the rampaging robot, he sort of took a contract out on himself like some mafiosi pizza, and got whacked by his own hired assassin.
And if you’re building your cybernetic suicide tool, what level of detail do you go into? Obviously Cyberdyne went the whole nine yards, hence The Glauster having to put the bazookas back into their holsters. I can understand the need for that, coz they need to blend in, so the female Terminators need cleavage. BUT do male Terminators have nobs and nadgers? I mean, it’s not like they can use them, and they’re unlikely to be all on show (apart from exiting the time splitter). It’s a bit of a wasted expense - unless, as a last resort, their only remaining weapon of choice is to bumlove John Connor to death.
Which leads me on to gingerbread men. How come they’re called gingerbread men when they ain’t got cocks. They were never gingerbread girls, nor had any breasticles, but they’re always gingerbread men.
But that’s all beside the point - these gingerbread ’men’ have no willies, and therefore should be marketed as gingerbread eunuchs, or gingerbread castrati.
See, these scientists could send back cybernetic castrati. If they don’t want to assemble the terminators tackle (in case they get ribbed by their collegues for being a bit gay), they could compensate by leaving the hosepipe off and simply adjusting the pitch on the voicebox. Just imagine Arnie leaning into the camera to say "I’ll be back" in the voice of Aled Jones!
Oh well, I guess the aversion to cybernetic cocks caused the breakthrough in the liquid metal version. No need to handle it’s panhandle, for it can form it’s own solid objects.
Knives, stabbing weapons, rampant priapic phalluses...
...say, that’s a nice [village] bike...
