I was watching that there documentary last night about the lead singer of The Darkness's brother...
Now, wittering on through his vocoder, he keeps banging on about big bangs (probably coz he don't get banged in a big way very often) and Black Holes, Singularities, Quantum Physics and Relativity. And after 20 years, he's no nearer aligning Relativity and Quantum together.
Now, Relativity deals with big objects (ie, the Milky Way is a big fuck-off galaxy, with other galaxies relatively far way), and quantum with micro-teeny objects (eg a 'Hollyoaks' 'actors' talent).
I propose that he give up - after 20 years, I doubt it'll drop into place overnight. Instead, he should take up more weightier matters. Such as the Oven Chip.
The Oven Chip is a freak of nature. Not only in it's chameleon attributes (eg the ability to appear crisp and golden anfd fluffy in an advert, instead of the black ended, whitey goldey browny sticks that ends up on yer plate), but in it's reproductive abilities.
For the Oven Chip replicates in heat!
Take a small handful of Oven Chips and place them on the tray - not many are there. Now, bung 'em in t'oven @ 220°c and return after 25 mins...
...now try and fit that small handful onto a plate!
You will find that, rather than the meagre portion you doled up for yourself in a forlon attempt to cut down on chip intake, it has miraculously become a mountain that spills off the plate!
It would seem that the randy spud is all frigid from the freezer, but as soon as the oven kicks in, the Dogg chips are like: "It's gettin' hot in herre, so take off all your clothes... or the oven chip equivalent of clothes". And the Ho chips reply with "I am, gettin', so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off". And they ravish each other in some oveny orgy, resulting in some short gestation period when birth is given to lots of other oven chips.
Result: More chips than you wanted... but you have to eat them coz they're there!
They should cast Stevie as Davros - his voice is the perfect template for those mechanical scions of Skaro, and he's got his own chair! All you need to do is sellotape some mini Xmas puds painted silver down the side and stick a sink plunger on his forehead.
The martians may laugh at us for peeling potatoes, boiling them for 20 of our Earth minutes and then smashing them into bits, but at least Davros could solve my dilemma of always ending up with too many chips for tea...
chips for tea...
...the kind you don't see on TV Screens!
More likely in a Maelstrom!
