...goes the Special K advert. OK, so the cereal scoffer starts off by seeing cherry pie charts. Then, when sapphically leching at some collegues breasticles, she starts seeing fairy cakes all over her blouse. Then there's some bloke talking on a baguette...
...so she goes home, and in the morning wolfs down a bowl of cereal and turns into a viscious vandalistic vamp!
Firstly, she turns up for work in a bright red dress, more suitable for a dinner party than being a call centre drone, all painted up like some... well, painted Jezabel with bright red "fuck me" stillettoes.
Not content with turning up as an Escort, she then stops by the cake trolly. She sees the delights heading for the offices, and what does she do? Strikes a pose and smashes the cake trolly out of the corridor with her hips, and smiles smugly to herself.
Now, I'm not going into the issue of the unattentended cake trolly (a health hazard in itself, as someone could walk right into it, or filch a french fancy in the trolly dolly's absence), but I am incensed at her selfish vandalism.
Ok, so she'll end up with bruises all over her hips from bumping the cake trolly out the way, but first of all - the Trolly Dolly will return and find her cakes and trolly gone, causing much stress, for the TD will almost certainly lose her job for lack of due care and attention to the placement and supervision of her tasty treats.
Second, the cakes may well have careered into some poor typists back, causing much suement and compensatory claims. She could have had someone's eye out with a corner of that apple turnover!
Even if the trolly doesn't hit a clerk, then it must hit a wall, desk or chair, causing much spillage of sponge. The floor will be covered in cream, chocolate and pastry, causing much vexment to the cleaners who have to spend all night scrubbing away at the eclaire stained floor (in addition to the usual eclaire stained floor - eClaire being the virtual 'girlfiend' of the lonesome late-working geek, and it's an altogether different type of cream on the carpet. and the underside of the desk...).
Then there is the misery of her other collegues. They work in a right old shithole, and the only thing they look forward to is the trolly of trifle and a battenberg brunch - and the cow in red has only gone and stewn it all over the carpeting! Presumably they skipped the bit in the ad where her co-workers cornered her and sconed* her to death. And coz they had no cake, they had to fill her with cream and munch on her (necrophilical 'oo-er!').
Not to mention when the summer kicks in, and the wedge of Vicky Sponge that got lodged behind the radiator starts to moulder in the heat and the cream starts to sour and permeated the AirCon and causes everyone to get sick.
And all because she had a bowl of Special K. There should be a heath warning on it: May turn you into a vindictive trollop with a desire for pastry destruction. May cause bruising to your hips, and death by hungry colleagues.
I'm keeping well away from it, I am!
* WITH PROPER SCONES - NOT THESE MODERN, NEW FANGLED SCONES THAT ARE MADE BY THEM JAMIE OLIVER TYPES WITH RIDICULOUS ADDITIONS SUCH AS CHEESE, RED PEPPER, OR CARROT & SPROUT, ETC...
