I went to look, and there was just the garden - no ID card at all!
However, that David Millipede was rabbitting on about the secure database - apparently, you don't have to carry your ID cards, and your identity is safe because the data will be held on a central system that won't be connected to anything. No outside line or data cable will be linked into the pewter - just a mainframe with a dumb terminal.
Now, surely this is a major flaw in the whole purpose of ID cards, as it basically means it's a fraudsters paradise! You can nick/replicate anyone's ID card, and no-one can prove you ain't you, because the system can't be accessed to compare your optics or your dabs!
Mmmmm booze, lollies and sherbert!
There's only one reason I want an ID card, and that's to eyeball the screen, good buddy, as I very much doubt it would prevent me having a bash at being a suicide bomber should the mood take me.
There are them that are all for ID cards, proudly boasting "Nothing to hide, nothing to fear" - apart from them DI Fuhrball types planting evidence to catch The Simpsons, or nefarious manics of the Vorhees persuasion, creeping into your bedroom to nick some of yer DNA to plant at the scene to divert suspicion.
Yeah, there's always a worry about Simon Pheonix and his pupil popping pencils, but I know where he works (he was selling stuff on the office 4sale board) so I'll be avoiding him like the plague... or have him freezed up to pester peaceful people of the future (with no 3 shell training either, so he has to shit his pants. A fair and just revenge for trying to pilfer my peepers).
On the plus side - I'd also get to play at being Snake Plisskin, coz in order to avoid someone scanning my sclera from afar with a laser scanner, I'd have to wear an eyepatch. How cool would I look then! It would also benefit me at Quasar, as without the eyepatch, the red laser guidance beam could scan over my revealing retina and reflect all my bank details on the ceiling. Then I'd get ambushed by the feral chavs, and forced into a wrestling ring* with hairy burly Russians with nail studded clubs.
I've never been to a nail studded club, although I have heard that there is such a dancehall in Camden. Or Soho. Or something...
Just one Cornea.. give it to me...
* HOW COME A WRESTLING/BOXING RING IS SQUARE? A RING IS A CIRCLE, SO IT SHOULD BE A WRESTLING CUBE. ADMITTEDLY, IT SOUNDS A BIT TOO MUCH LIKE OXO CUBE, SO MAYBE A WRESTLING SQUARE - JUST DON'T CALL IT A RING.
"THREE RINGS FOR THE ELVEN KINGS UNDER THE SKY
SEVEN FOR THE DWARF LORDS IN THEIR HALLS OF STONE
NINE FOR MORTAL MEN DOOMED TO DIE
ONE FOR THE DARK LORD ON HIS ... OH SHIT,
OI, BORDUM - THIS ONE AIN'T FUCKING CIRCULAR, IT'S A FUCKING SQUARE
IT'LL NEVER FUCKING FIT ON THE DARK LORDS FINGER
FUCK WHAT YOU SAW ON WWF** - FORGE IT INTO A CIRCLE YOU STUNTED TWAT"
** AND HOW COME THE WWF HAS A PANDA AS IT'S LOGO WHEN IT'S ALL BEEFCAKE TWATTING THE HELL OUT OF EACH OTHER? I RECKON IT'S COZ THEY SPEND SO MUCH TIME BUILDING UP THEIR MUSCLES, OILING EACH OTHER UP AND GRAPPLING EACH OTHER IN SOME HOMOSEXUAL BONDING SPORT THAT, LIKE THE PANDA, THEIR NOBS ATROPHY AND THEY CAN'T PROCREATE. HEAVEN HELP THESE WRESTLER IF THEY EVER START MUNCHING 'BAMBOO' AS WELL... CHRIST, EVEN THAT LOOKS A BIT TOO MUCH LIKE MUNCHING ON RAMBO...
