I was flicking through the tellybox channels (having exhaused all of Tweaks, and not in the mood for any DVDs), when I caught part of Jesus Christ Superstar, when he barges into the temple of Jerusalem.
Ole Jesus went into full 70s vocal - and the voice was identical to a certain rotund ornithological twitcher and observer of badgers! Yep, close your eyes (give me your hand darling, can you feel my heart beating, etc) and The Messiah is none other than Bill Oddie!!
And that got me thinking:
Both Jesus and Bill are beardy wierdies!
Both are associates with gardens - Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, and Bill with Graeme Garden!
Both had collaborators Jesus had Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Bill had Tim & Graeme.
Both travelled afar - Jesus from Galilee to Jerusalem, and Bill from Cricklewood to London!
Both spent time in the Wilderness - Jesus in the dessert, and The Goodies in some Televisual wilderness, coz they never repeat such classic comedy.
Both had some female hanger on during the night - Jesus had the prossie Mary Magdalene, and Bill’s got that Kate Humble when he’s off on Beaverwatch, or whatever it’s called.
Jesus’s lot wrote The Gospels, and Bill’s lot wrote The Goodies - and both begin with Go, end in ’s’, and have the same number of letters! The mismatching letters (spel from Gospels, and odie from Goodies), are an anagram of Peed soil, or if you prefer, Idol pees. Proof enough, methinks, as both are idols, and when these idols have to pee, each Idol pees on the soil! Either the dirty soil of Gethsemane, or the soil by the badger sett, the resulting peed soil remains as a marker in history of the saviours sausage sluicing.
Not to mention that spin the 'p' of 'spel' 180° and put it into the 'odie' you gets... Les Oddie! French for The Oddie!
Not only that, Jesus was crucified on a cross, and Bill is often crucified in the media for making people cross!
What more proof do you need? They were looking for the second coming, and there he is! Bill Oddie, Messiah!
Storm the churches! Replace The Hymn Book with The Goodies Book Of Criminal Records! Out with "The Lord’s Thy Shepherd" and in with" Black Pudding Bertha"! No more "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" and more "Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me"!
Good Friday my arse - wasn’t very good for poor ole Jesus, being nailed to a cross in some Philistine verson of Hellraiser! More like Good Riddance Friday, when they got rid of the mental loon. Unfortunately, that bloody Herbert West got involved, with his day-glo green ReAgent.
I don’t know, just coz he got John The Baptist up and running, carting his bonce about and trying to mingemunch Salome, Westy had to start on Christ. Hah, the Bible left out the bit with Jesus lobbing Lazarus about the place and rampaging about before ascending into Heaven.
Pain! We are transformed here!
